Monday, March 30, 2015

To Dance or Not to Dance




Who doesn’t love the sight of little girls all dressed in tutus dancing across a stage? We grandparents who sit in the audiences oohing and ahhing at our precious little girls may not know what it took to get them there, but I do. I have been in charge of taking my 4 year old granddaughter to dance class for the last year.

At first, she loved it. All the aunts and grandparents came to stand at the window and watch her. It was exciting. Then the it dwindled down to being just me at the window. I noticed right away that the only thing she really liked was that she could watch herself in the giant mirror on the wall. My Tally is a free spirit and there is nothing more frustrating for a free spirit that not being able to go with the flow of the music and learn a routine that she would perform with nine other little girls. They did the same thing over and over in preparation for that big night…Tally continued to do her own thing. She was often in tune with the other, but not always.

Then, it began to get even harder and harder to get her to go. First, she did not want to wear any kind of dance clothes. Then it was a down-right revolt every time I mentioned it was time for dance. Finally, her parents decided to “let it go” as Elsa would say. Tally and I rejoiced.

I remember when Tally’s mother was the same age, her father and I signed her up for dance, and she seemed to love it, but when it came time to go out on stage, she refused. It was not, I’ll admit, my finest hour. I urged, I threatened, and I bribed; she stood firm, she was NOT going out on that stage. I did not take it well; let us just say it was not my finest parenting hour and I cringe to this day, wishing I had taken her in my arms and calmed her fears.

How many other children right now are being forced to take lessons and do sports that they really don’t want to do? How many of you have said “My parents forced me to take piano lesson as a kid, and I hated it”?

So the question becomes, should these little ones be scheduled for these activities such as dance, gymnastics, soccer, piano lessons, etc. ‘"The more time kids had in less structured activities, the more self-directed they were and, also, the reverse was true: The more time they spent in structured activities, the less able they were to use executive function," said study author Yuko Munakata, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Colorado, Boulder.”

This is not to say that children should not take dance and kick the soccer ball around, but perhaps parents and grandparents need to listen and watch and see if that activity is right for that child at that time. My daughter who refused to go onstage at 4 spent most of her junior high and high school years performing in one play and musical after the other, enjoying herself the whole time. At 4 the time wasn’t right, but she is proof it might just be a matter of timing. Luckily, Tally has parents who did listen to her and now on Monday afternoon, instead of my having to beg and plead with Tally to go to dance, she can do whatever her imagination dictates. Today she and I are going to have a tea party!



As always, I am not an expert, so please check out these sites for information and both viewpoints:

I would love to hear from other parents and parents who have a different opinion. Please comment.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Scrapbooking with Grandkids: Part 1



Recently, my 4 years old granddaughter Tally asked if she could scrapbook with me. Well, of course, I said yes, and we put together a small scrapbook with spare pictures of her, her parents, the rest of the family and the pets. She especially loved searching through my huge stash of sticker and using my stamps and punches. I thought that would be her last interest in scrapbooking. But, I was wrong. She spoke about and showed her little scrapbook to everyone she saw and immediately asked me the next time she came over, “Can we scrapbook again?”

Displaying IMG_1063.JPGI was ready for her, since her Mom had given me a heads up. I had already found a larger scrapbook for her that she could use and prepared her own little desk area in my office so we can work side by side. She has her own supplies, stickers and punches (her favorite!).

Part I:

USING STICKERS TO LEARN THE ALPHABET

Scrapbooking with a child can be more than just a fun activity. Today, Tally and I were playing with alphabet stickers, and I decided I could use them to enhance what she learns in school.

1. I had her locate the letter on the sticker page..

2. I picked up a sticker and asked her what the letter or number was.

3. As we put sticker letters down, I started to have us spell out basic words.

4. She loved spelling out her name, along with other people in the family.


Displaying IMG_1068.JPG


More to follow on scrapbooking with children……

Monday, March 23, 2015

Reading Aloud: Fun for All



"Grandma, read me a story," Nothing's better to hear. We love to cuddle with them in a chair and read them book after book. But did you know that reading aloud is good for your grandchildren at all ages?






1. Reading to preschool-age children can enlarge their vocabulary thus encouraging greater success when they start school.


2. Reading out load will also increase the child's attention span. This is a good skill to encourage in any child. So many children who are being diagnosed with ADD could just be children who were never encouraged to develop their attention span.


3. If you read to them, they will see reading as an enjoyable activity, and they will then read on their own as they get older. Attitude is everything! It creatives a positive image of reading, especially if he/she sees you reading on your own also. This can develop in the child a lifelong interest in reading.


4. Childen have a disconnect between their listening vocabulary and their reading one.  They can often understand far more words than they can read.  Reading to them helps to close that gap.


5. Teachers say that reading to children is the most important way to language development.


6. It also builds curiosity and memory.


7. Reading also enhances the child's creativity and imagination.


8. Reading different kinds of books as the child grows older (such as poetry, short stories, biographies) creates a more thorough background knowledge. This knowledge is an asset when the child starts school.

But reading is not just for the little ones, older children also benefit from this activity, even into their teens. If you think it would be hard to get the older children to sit down and listen, try tying it to something like a long road trip or clearing the table at night. When my children were in their teens, one person would read out loud and the others would clear the table. Look for these opportunities.


Suggested Reading List

TEENS

To Kill a Mockingbird

The Graveyard Book

All Alone int the Universe

Ender's Game

Kidnapped

The Hunger Games

The Maze Runner

Ronia: The Robber's Daughter

Number the Stars

A Wrinkle in Time

Island of the Blue Dolphin

Island of the Blue Dolpin

TEENS & SCHOOL AGE (possible pre-school)

The Chronicles of Narnia

Harry Potter series

Matilda

Stuart Little

The Litlte Prince

Madeline

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

The Giving Tree

Where the Sidewalk Ends

Half Magic

Stellaluna

Good Night i-Pad

From the Mixed up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Franweiler

The Best Christmas Pageant Eve

The Polar Express

The Secret Garden

Little House on the Prairie

Peter Pan

Alices Adventures in Wonderland

Strawberry Girl

Please share any other books or ideas for encouraging out loud reading.








Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Helicopter (Grand)Parents



In 1969, Dr. Haim Ginott penned the term “helicopter parents” in his book Parents and Teenagers, but in 2015 that term can be applied to any parent figure: parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles who are overly involved in a child’s life, someone who is over controlling and over perfecting. The desire for having the world see our child or grandchild as perfect in the eyes of the world tends to leave us with children who can’t take care of themselves and who never can appreciate their own accomplishments because they are not really their own.

When we hover over these children, we lead them to have decreased confidence and self-esteem. I often take my granddaughter to programs at the local library. The programs usually consist of reading books on a specific topic and then making a craft. My daughter related a story of a recent library event where the children were asked to line up three paper carrots with numbers on them and then put the appropriate number of carrots stems on each. So the carrot with the three on it got three stems…I’m sure you get the idea. My granddaughter is only four and tends to want to do things her own way, so her carrots were not very well lined up and the stems were a little askew, but she got the main idea, which was the point of the craft. When my daughter looked up, the other children’s carrots were perfectly lined up and there were even some parents redoing their child’s craft while the child played nearby. The children whose crafts were really done by the parent didn’t seem very enthusiastic about them, but my granddaughter ran up to everyone to show her carrots…she was very proud. I myself have seen this happen time and again with both parents and grandparents, and have always felt for the children. They never learn a sense of pride in their own work. We really do want to foster independent children, not ones who sit back and let us do everything for them or direct them to do everything “our way.” The results of that can be long reaching.

As a college professor for 35 years, I have taught the young people who are a result of this “over parenting.” Without parents there to give the teacher excuses or to do the work for them, they flounder and often have no idea of what they are capable of. They often continually ask when assignments are due because they have never had to keep track of them on their own. They also expect that their minimal effort will garner them and “A.” These students struggle not only with the material they are learning in each class, but also struggle with how to be a student: manage their time, organize themselves, set goals, and make priorities. These are skills they weren’t given the chance to learn.

In addition to having to deal with these students, I still have to deal with “helicopter” parents, even in college. Legally, if their child is 18 or over, I cannot discuss any aspect of their child’s work or grades. I can’t tell them about attendance or behavior. This comes as a great shock to these parents. They are just beginning to realize that without their constant attention and hovering, they child will crash and burn. And I suggest that is not the worst thing that can happen. Often students begin to realize that not only do they have to step up and take care of themselves, but they are capable of doing so. Those students succeed and for the first time in their lives feel a real sense of accomplishment. Those who are still so addicted to their parents taking care of everything are the ones who just disappear in the middle of the semester.

The time to assure that the child will have the ability and desire to succeed on their own starts when they are little. Our job as caregiver, whether it is as a parent or grandparent, is to not raise children, but to raise adults.

According to Deborah Gilboa, M.D., founder of AskDoctorG.com, “Remembering to look for opportunities to take one step back from solving our child's problems will help us build the reliant, self-confident kids we need."



(Check out the article on http://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/)

Friday, March 6, 2015

On Vacation and Still in Touch


This week I am on vacation down in Florida, and my granddaughter and I miss each other very much. But that has been a little bit alleviated by the few Facetime chats we have had.

I see now, how important technology has become for long distance grandparents. Both Skype and Facetime let those grandparents who do not get to see their grandchild all the time, to still become a familiar face..

Even if you say you are not "good with the computer" it is to your very distinct advantage to become, if not good, at least passably good.

Many public libraries have classes on using the computer, and some of those classes are on specific subjects like Skype or how to make the most of your cell phone.

So, let prove to our grandchildren that we can be the "cool" grandparents and can meet them where they live, on their cellphones... next week, on to  Facebook.