Grandparenting in the Time of the Pandemic
All
of us are long-distance grandparents during this pandemic, but we need to keep
in contact with our grandchildren now more than ever. In a recent poll from
AARP, we learned that 38% of us use video chat with our grandchildren, 45% use
texting, 33% use email, and 27% use Facebook. Many grandparents are not really
computer savvy, but now is the time to learn. It’s not rocket science
Last
night, my family wanted to celebrate my husband’s birthday. We usually go out
to dinner, but that wasn’t possible now. My husband and I are both in our 60’s,
and I have cancer, so we are stuck in this house for the duration. My daughter
and son-in-law organized a Zoom Birthday Party. My son-in-law coordinated with
a local restaurant to deliver dinners to each home at the same time. In their
home was my daughter, her husband and, most importantly, my granddaughter. At
home with my husband and me was my daughter and her significant other. I was
worried, though, because I had never used Zoom and was concerned, I wouldn’t be
able to conquer the technical issues.
But
I needed to see my granddaughter and wanted to give my husband a nice birthday.
So, a few hours before the “party,” I sat down with my laptop (the screen is
bigger) and my tablet. Why two screens? Because my husband and I would be
sitting in front of the laptop and my daughter and her significant other would
be across from us using the tablet.
First, I downloaded the Zoom app on both. You don’t have to have the app
if the person on the other end of the Zoom chat send you a link, but it makes
it easier to connect if you both have the app.
Next,
I had my daughter send me a link for the Zoom chat. The program has you check
your video and audio. We needed to attach a microphone, but that could just be
my equipment. My daughter coached me on her end (she knows this platform well
because she has been using it with meetings at work and her students online). When
8 o’clock came, we were all connected, everyone could see each other and there
was no problem. As they say, “a good time was had by all.”
So,
use your imagination; how else might you use Zoom or Facetime? Well, this will
allow you to share in everyday events. Your son or daughter could put on Zoom
while he/she is making dinner and chat about their day. You could read a book
to your grandchild or he/she could read to you. They could practice their
instrument while you watch or if you play an instrument yourself, the two of
you could jam!
I
used to pick my granddaughter from the bus (and I swear I will do that again!).
When I would do that, instead of asking, “How was school today?” which would
have garnered a quick, “Fine,” I would ask, “What’s the best thing that happened
to you today?” or “What was the worst?” You could ask who they sat with at
lunch or what they did during recess. These questions are more likely to garner
a longer response.
I
remember I was only sitting, waiting for my granddaughter to come out of karate
when I heard the mother of a little girl who was seated next to me ask her “How
was school today?” You can guess the answer, “Fine.” I then turned to the
little girl and asked, “What was the best thing that happened to you today?”
She then told me about her gym class and that they played a game that was her
favorite because she was good at it. The conversation continued with more
questions based on what she said to me. When the kids came out of their
classes, I said goodbye and went to find my granddaughter. I felt a tap on my
shoulder, and the little girl’s mother was standing there. “How did you get her
to do that? I can never get her to tell me anything.” I told her it was the
questions that I asked. Never ask a question that leads to a one-word answer,
never interrupt, and listen with the intent to ask further questions. When kids
feel we are really listening, they will open, and eventually, they will look at
the day with a more positive attitude, anticipating the questions you are going
to ask them. Very often my granddaughter will say when something good (or bad) happens,
she thinks, “Wait till I tell Grandma about this!”
Now,
how do we do this during the pandemic, the same questions, but now we must ask
them during a FaceTime chat or over Zoom.
One
of the great things about Zoom is that multiple people can be on that chat
together, so, if you miss Sunday dinners with aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.,
have your dinner on Zoom. Once you get it all set up, you can do this anytime.
People must eat, so why not do it together.
These were just a few ideas to keep us all connected. This isolation can be so lonely,
so why not find ways to connect, and share your ideas here.
In the next few weeks, I will document our journey from 5 bedrooms, a den, basement, attic, 2 baths, lovely large backyard, and pool to a small 2 bedroom apartment. 