This Party's for the Birds (and animals)

Today my granddaughter and I went outside to make a "cake" for the many animals and birds that struggle in this snow-filled cold weather.

We had some vegetables that we purchased from the grocery store's day-old sections and added some birdseed and stray carrots from my refrigerator. We found a mound of snow that we could see from the window and Tally and I placed all the vegetables and seeds surrounding the mound of snow.

She had to go home before we had any guests arrive at our party, but I promised her that I would try to film any who arrived!

IMAGINATIONS AT PLAY: A place that lives up to its name

   

 This week is Winter Break for the children here on Long Island, so, since Tally didn’t have school, I decided to take her to a place that I had heard so much about: Imaginations at Play in Ronkonkoma. My daughter had taken my granddaughter there before, so I had it from a reliable source that we would have fun (or at least Tally would).

     When we arrived, I scanned the area and found what I think is a unique set-up. To the right were tables, chairs, benches and a café, but the magic was to the left. There were cubicles about 15 feet square, each with a different theme: one filled with building blocks and Legos©; the next was devoted to all things pirate. The next, and the one Tally gravitated to first, was filled with dress-up clothes and a stage. Next to that were similar cubicles with a kitchen/store set-up, dollhouse set-up, art station, and sandbox. Next to the sandbox was a large water table (they provide waterproof smocks). Finally, Tally took me to her favorite part; around the corner was a huge bounce castle and next to that a large jungle gym. But the most refreshing thing was that there wasn't a computer or video game in sight. The energy there was all supplied by the imaginations of the children.

 The place was packed, but you really wouldn't know it. There was no waiting to do anything, and I always found a chair where I could sit and watch Tally. She is such an amazing little person, and this little excursion has given me the time and opportunity to revel in that.

Since we adults were basically just observers, I got the chance to see the other children there. One of the things I noticed was that with a few minor exceptions, the children shared all the toys together and played well. I was amazed when my granddaughter just walked up to a group of girls playing on the stage and joined them, not hanging back, as an adult might do, to see if she would be asked to join them. She just assumed they would want to play with her, and they did. 

Check out their website:

http://imaginationsatplay-li.com/

It is Not Us vs. Them: Agreeing to Disagree

One of the most wonderful relationships we can have is with our grandchildren, but one of the things about that close relationship is that once in a while we step on the parents’ toes. Since it is their child, we, as grandparents, have to find a way to have that close relationships we want and at the same time respect the parents.

Here are some suggestions to help that relationship stay healthy.
1. Don’t criticize: there is certainly more than one way to parent, and that way may not be the same as ours. Raising a child is hard enough without feeling the sting of our telling them they aren’t doing a good job.

2. If you disagree, don’t let the kids know: Even when you disagree with what the parents are doing, make sure you don’t say anything in front of the child. This is their Mom and Dad, don’t undermine their authority or make the child feel uncomfortable. There is nothing wrong with having a conversation with the parents when the children are asleep.

3. Unsolicited advice: DON’T—if they ask, answer their questions; otherwise, keep it to yourself.

4. Define your role and what your limits are: In this age when our children may need us to help with daycare for our grandchildren, we must be sure of what we can and can’t do, and make sure we clearly state this to the parents. When my younger daughter was an infant, she spent one day a week with my husband’s parents. We thought it was a wonderful plan. It helped with some of our child care issues and gave Courtney one-on-one time with her grandparents. When I got pregnant with my second daughter, my mother-in-law was direct with us that she didn’t feel that she and my father-in-law were able to care for two small children, especially with one being an infant and the other a toddler. I was grateful that she was honest. This honesty helped to make what could have been awkward for both her and me and my husband into something positive.

5. Respect the food choices of the parents: There are some areas where there will naturally be some conflict and none more contentious than differences in food choices. With the interest in vegetarian and vegan diets, I expect these choices by our children might be upsetting. But before we criticize (see rule #1) why not do some research? It might waylay your fears that your grandchild will be undernourished.

6. Don’t discipline the children when they parents are there to do it: this might be the biggest issue that parents have. Although when you are alone with your grandchild you certainly can’t allow them to misbehave, but when the parents are there, we need to step back and let them take over. If the child has truly misbehaved then he/she needs some discipline. We should not say “Oh, don’t punish him” or “She’s sorry.” We don’t want to undermine the authority of the parents, so if the punishment is not abusive, we need to bite our tongues. But the opposite might be true; we might think the punishment is too lenient. If you came from a generation where physical punishment was the norm, you have to understand that most parents frown on that and we must respect that. Having come from a “spare the rod, spoil the child” generation, I know that hitting a child is really no way to teach a child proper behavior. And, after all, isn’t that what discipline is for?


One of my favorite quotes is “It takes a village to raise a child,” and I believe that we can partner with the parents to raise extraordinary children. But we can’t do that if we alienate the parents.

“It Takes a Village…” The Important Role of Aunts and Uncles

As a child in the 1950’s I always thought of my Aunt Nora as the cool aunt. Instead of being the typical stay-at-home mom, Aunt Nora worked as a secretary for the Republican Party. More importantly, she always made a point of taking only me to the beach when my family visited her in Florida. On the way back to her house, we’d stop at A&W where the waitress skated up to the car and served us with frosty mugs of root beer. The sand from our feet covered the carpet but that didn’t bother Aunt Nora. We sat in her car, chatting and giggling. I don’t know whether I felt more grown up or if Aunt Nora felt like a kid again, or both, but I never felt more special. Years later when I visited, she had a friend take my sister and me for rides in his airplane. She looked so cool, so Jackie O, sitting in the co-piolet’s seat wearing a scarf around her hair and large white sunglasses. To this day, I am a huge fan of big sunglasses. I always feel so sophisticated when I wear them, just like her.

My granddaughter has four aunts and no “official” uncles (meaning none of her aunts are married, yet.) But they all have boyfriends who serve the uncle role and have forged their own special relationships with Tally. These non-parental relationships are so important to kids. Children can distinguish between a parent’s obligation to spend time with them and the aunt and uncle’s voluntary devotion of their time simply because they want to. That can have a great impact on the child’s character and self-esteem.

Aunt Tiffany’s roles in Tally’s life are numerous, but one of the most important is as a role model. She was an honor student in high school, graduated college with a 4.0 GPA and now works as a para legal with aspirations to attend law school. Tally attended Tiffany’s graduation ceremonies and came to understand the importance of an education. Tally adores her Aunt Tiffany and wants to be just like her. (the photos seen here are from an outing to the bowling alley with Aunt Tiffany and Uncle Foster).

Role model aunts and uncles can have an enormous impact on their nieces and nephews. They can highlight the importance of an education and of having a goal and working hard to achieve it. They can show their nieces and nephews the proper way to interact with people. Showing respect will convey the message that this is the right way to behave. Remember, little eyes are always watching.

Both Aunt Tiffany and Aunt Katie are “cool” aunts, like my Aunt Nora. The definition of cool for a kid is much different than it might be for an adult. Cool aunts do things with their nieces and nephews that the children may not get to do with their parents. Spending time one-on-one with the child shows him/her the aunt feels he/she is special. Going to ball games and getting a mani/pedi go a long way to making a cool aunt. In a family with more than one child, these individual outings can immediately earn one the title of “cool.”

Having little rituals with the child that is unique to just the two of you also adds to the child’s sense of importance. Tally’s Aunt Katie does not just kiss her good-bye. They stick out their tongues at each other. I can see in the future, perhaps at one of Tally’s graduations, her seeing her aunt in the audience, greeting her by sticking out her tongues, a sign of the special relationship the two of them have.

Making time to participate in a child’s activities can bring the aunt or uncle into a strange but entertaining world of imagination and fantasy. Play their video games, watch their movies, read the same book they are reading, etc. But don’t forget that kids also like being brought into the aunt/uncle’s world. If the aunt or uncle loves photography, buy your niece/nephew an inexpensive camera or let them use your phone and take them on a photography day at the beach or a local park. This experience can also lead to working with them on computer programs such as Photoshop that enhance their pictures and can bring out other aspects of their creativity.


So, for all the aunts and uncles who don’t see their relationship with their nieces and nephews as crucial…I beg to differ.

The Simpsons, Tally & I: Sharing Your Interests with your Grandchild

Tally and I wait, not quite patiently, for the mailman to come. What are we waiting for, you ask? The latest Simpson’s character action figure to arrive to add to our collection. I have found this shared collection has been a great way to connect with my granddaughter.

I own a collection of Simpson action figures, which my granddaughter noticed a few months ago and asked to play with. She enjoyed playing make-believe with them. She would always ask me what the character’s name was and who he/she was related to. Eventually, she asked to watch The Simpsons. With Mom’s permission, she and I have watched more episodes than I can even recall. She loves to hold up one of the characters when it comes on the screen. But when a character comes on the screen that we do not have, she gets my laptop, and we search to see if we can find one online. As we search, I show her how to tell if something is a good price and even to look at the seller’s feedback.

Through this collection, I have found a buddy to share my interests with, and Tally has learned some valuable lessons about memory, the value of things, and even, through the looking at the feedback, that is important to be reliable and do what you said you would do. My suggestion to other grandparents and parents is to look at your own interests and hobbies and see how you can bring the child in your life into them with you. You will enjoy time even more with your grandchild and will be creating unique memories for both of you.

And yes, our waiting for the mailman was worth it. Mr. Smither’s arrived that day and Tally was thrilled.” We are still waiting for Apu. 

Today is National Cancer Day: How to talk to children about cancer

Today is National Cancer Day, so I thought it would be appropriate to look at how we tell the children in our lives that someone they love has cancer. When my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer, he chose to have radiation treatment. He joked that he was “Radioactive Man,” but the downside to it was that he could not hold or even be very close to our granddaughter for a few months. He had to make sure he positioned himself far enough away from her at the dinner table, and couldn’t have her sit on his lap. Since Tally was very young, my daughter told her simply that Grandpa was sick, but he would be able to hold her soon. When “soon” arrived, it was a joyous moment for both.


In making the decision what to tell a child about a cancer diagnosis the most important thing is the child’s age. The younger they are, the more basic the information should be. If you decide to tell them nothing, remember, kids know more than we think and if you do not tell them, they will imagine something much worse. The truth is always the best.

I am not an expert, so I will be handing you off at this point to the good people at the American Cancer Society who are. http://www.cancer.org/treatment/childrenandcancer/helpingchildrenwhenafamilymemberhascancer/dealingwithdiagnosis/dealing-with-diagnosis-how-to-tell-children

Fundraising for Wounded Warriors

Since one of things I believe is important to teach our grandchildren is to give back, I have decided to use this blog to help raise funds for Wounded Warriors. I have designed a t-shirt that illustrates my thoughts on being a grandma...

https://www.bonfirefunds.com/tattoo-grandmas-wounded-warriors

Happy Valentine’s Day: Give the Gift of Reading

Valentine’s Day is a day, once a year, we set aside to devote to those we love. Although most people focus on romantic love, we grandparents know there is no love greater than that we have for our grandchildren.

With Valentine’s Day just over a week away, it is time to think of the best way to remind our grandchildren how much we care. Candy is great, but is gone very quickly. Stuff animals join the numerous others the child has and are soon forgotten, but a gift that arrives every month is truly the gift that last the whole year long. Consider giving your grandchild a magazine subscription. What child does not love to get mail sent directly to them? Although digital versions are usually available for magazine, they can’t cut out picture for their walls!

Suggestions (descriptions for the magazines are taken from the Amazon website. See links to order your subscriptions):

Preschool:  

National Geographic Little Kids: “Captivating stories and interactive games teach children about amazing animals, cool science, and families around the world. Plus each issue comes with Wild Animal Cards!”

Highlights Five:” designed to set young children on the path to becoming curious, creative, caring, confident individuals. It’s just right for preschoolers and kindergartners!”

Clubhouse Junior: “Faith-filled fun for youngsters (ages 3-7). Creative stories, fascinating articles, puzzles, craft ideas and more are packed into each issue of Clubhouse Jr. Magazine. You'll love the way this bright and colorful kid’s magazine reinforces biblical values and helps boys and girls explore their world.”

Humpty Dumpty Magazine: “A 2012 Parents' Choice Approved Award Winner, Humpty Dumpty is ideal for kids ages 3-5 who are learning to read independently. Stories, poems, cartoons, puzzles, games, recipes and crafts are designed with an emergent reader in mind, reinforcing healthy lifestyle messages and promoting core values.”

School-Age

National Geographic Kids: “Articles and departments entertain and inspire readers to learn about their world with amazing information about animals, science, technology, archaeology, geography, and pop culture, plus jokes, games, activities in every issue.”

Highlights for Children: “delivers puzzles, science projects, jokes and riddles to challenge young minds, while characters in regular features like Hidden Pictures, The Timbertoes, Goofus and Gallant and the Bear Family, keep children coming back like good friends should.”

Cricket: “Cricket feeds the minds and imaginations of kid’s ages 9 - 14. Every issue of Cricket is filled with stories, poems, puzzles, recipes, and science and nature articles - all designed to stimulate the imagination and help young people discover and explore the world around them.”

Ranger Rick Jr.: “Ranger Rick Jr. is for children aged 3 to 7 years. Filled with fun activities, simple stories and wild animals that the little ones love. Ranger Rick Jr. draws preschoolers closer to nature and gets them ready to read. Youngsters will enjoy the seasonal crafts, simple cooking recipes, fun games, and more.” 

Sports Illustrated Kids: “Sports Illustrated KIDS delivers the excitement, passion, and fun of sports to kids, tweens and young teens in an action-oriented, authentic and interactive style. The authority on kids and sports, SI KIDS reflects the interests and humor of its audience.”

Teens

Teen Vogue:” a fashion magazine for teenagers who are passionate about style, the fashion industry, beauty, health, and entertainment news.”

 American Girl: “Created especially for girls age 8 and up, American Girl is an appealing, age-appropriate alternative to teen magazines. Features advice, crafts, contests, puzzles, games, giggles, and more!”

Popular Science:  the world’s largest science and technology magazine

The New York Times Upfront: “Adapted directly from the pages of the New York Times, Upfront makes today’s biggest news stories relevant to teens. It has everything you’d expect from a current affairs magazine you’d pick up at a newsstand: thought-provoking national and international news reports, compelling photography, startling statistics, and world-renowned journalism. The only difference is that Upfront is specifically designed for high schoolers and makes the news relevant to you. When you put Upfront on your Kindle, you’re putting the world at your fingertips.” 

Car and Driver: “the world of cars and advances that are being made in the automobile industry.”

Computer Graphics World: latest in CG community

Sports Illustrated: all sports

Seventeen: “Seventeen is a general service magazine for young women emphasizing fashion, beauty and lifestyle information, including health, food, careers, relationships, sports and entertainment.”

Discovery Girls (preteen) – Mission Statement for magazine: “To encourage you to love all that you are; to further your independence through a belief in your own abilities; to guide you through the most difficult of times; to excite you with choices you never knew you had; to give you a voice”

Celebrating Family with Traditions

When my two daughters were young, their father would sing Three Dog Night’s song, Joy to the World. Fast forward to the day of my older daughter’s wedding. The usual Daddy’s Little Girl was chosen for the Daddy/Daughter dance, but right before the dance, my daughter and her father were called to the dance floor, not by the D.J., but by “ Jerimiah was a bullfrog… ”… a wonderful reminder of the special connection between this man and his little girl. Fast forward again to just a few weeks

ago, my daughter left our granddaughter Tally with us for the weekend. When she and her husband returned, her daughter greeted her with “Listen what Grandpa taught me.’ Jerimiah was a bullfrog...” and she continued to sing the song for her Mom that her Mom knew all too well. This is the power of ritual and family tradition.

Why are the traditions we create with our grandchildren, children, nieces and nephews so important? Tradition set us apart from the rest of the world and give us a unique identity. With tradition we can pass on parts of our cultural heritage. When I was a child, I had a strong sense of being Scottish. My father and aunts and uncles and grandparents had all been born in Scotland, and they brought some of their traditions with them. At Christmas, my grandmother would make “dumpling.” It took about a month and was soaked in rum (she assured our parents that all the alcohol was cooked off). Inside this fruitcake-like cake she would put quarter and dines. When we were all young, this was exciting, but curiously, as adult, it was too, long after dimes and quarters didn’t have as much impact on our personal finances.

Unfortunately, no one thought to get her recipe, but some of use do have her recipe for another tradition, slie cake. I have made it for visiting cousins, and each has said that one bite and they are transformed back to our grandmother’s table.

When I went to Scotland a few years before my granddaughter was born, I bought a kilt and tam. When she was around one, I took her picture in it similar to one that was taken of my sister in a similar outfit. I hope that all the babies from now on get their photo taken in that kilt.

 Traditions give us a sense of belonging that in the world we and our children and grandchildren live in is often lacking. We all want to belong and family bonds are forged through traditions and family rituals. These can also give a sense of security, something that remains unchanging in a changing world. What to create some traditions for your family?

 Many people think that traditions are tied to holidays, but even ordinary days can be transformed by traditions.
1. Family video night: when the children are younger it is easy to have a regular movie night, but don’t let the coming of the teens stop traditions. These traditions often show teens that family is important. Make sure to let each member of the family have a chance to pick the film.
 2. Snow Day: Each member build a snowman or go for a walk through the snow.
3. Dinner every night.
 4. Every full moon the family takes a walk.
 5. Take a family photo on the same spot every year.
 6. Or have a family photo taken every year and have each person bring an item with them that symbolized the last year for them: a football, favorite doll, cell phone.

 It is also easy to develop traditions with the natural events of a child’s life.
 1. The tooth fairy: my husband loved to create traditions. When the tooth fairy came, he put glitter on the window sill and left a note. One year on Christmas Eve., one of our children lost a tooth. My husband left a note from the tooth fairy thanking our daughter for losing a tooth on Christmas Eve because she got to meet Santa. You can also use a doll’s foot to make footprints in the glitter. You can also decorate a dollhouse door for the tooth fairy to use to get into the house. Each child will look forward to their time to have the door put up. If your child gets freaked out by the fairy coming to his or her room when they are sleeping or your child is a light sleeper and you are afraid he or she will wake up, you can have them put the tooth next to their toothbrush.
 2. Birthday Traditions: make a child “Queen” or King” for a day. They can pick what you make for dinner and what kind of cake. They also can get to decide how to spend the day. You would be amazed at how simple the desires of a child are. Many children often just ask for the family to spend time together.

 It doesn'treally matter what the tradition is, just as long as the child knows it is their family’s tradition and it is important. Please share your family’s tradition with us….