As a child in the 1950’s I always thought of my Aunt Nora as the cool aunt. Instead of being the typical stay-at-home mom, Aunt Nora worked as a secretary for the Republican Party. More importantly, she always made a point of taking only me to the beach when my family visited her in Florida. On the way back to her house, we’d stop at A&W where the waitress skated up to the car and served us with frosty mugs of root beer. The sand from our feet covered the carpet but that didn’t bother Aunt Nora. We sat in her car, chatting and giggling. I don’t know whether I felt more grown up or if Aunt Nora felt like a kid again, or both, but I never felt more special. Years later when I visited, she had a friend take my sister and me for rides in his airplane. She looked so cool, so Jackie O, sitting in the co-piolet’s seat wearing a scarf around her hair and large white sunglasses. To this day, I am a huge fan of big sunglasses. I always feel so sophisticated when I wear them, just like her.
My granddaughter has four aunts and no “official” uncles (meaning none of her aunts are married, yet.) But they all have boyfriends who serve the uncle role and have forged their own special relationships with Tally. These non-parental relationships are so important to kids. Children can distinguish between a parent’s obligation to spend time with them and the aunt and uncle’s voluntary devotion of their time simply because they want to. That can have a great impact on the child’s character and self-esteem.
Aunt Tiffany’s roles in Tally’s life are numerous, but one of the most important is as a role model. She was an honor student in high school, graduated college with a 4.0 GPA and now works as a para legal with aspirations to attend law school. Tally attended Tiffany’s graduation ceremonies and came to understand the importance of an education. Tally adores her Aunt Tiffany and wants to be just like her. (the photos seen here are from an outing to the bowling alley with Aunt Tiffany and Uncle Foster).
Role model aunts and uncles can have an enormous impact on their nieces and nephews. They can highlight the importance of an education and of having a goal and working hard to achieve it. They can show their nieces and nephews the proper way to interact with people. Showing respect will convey the message that this is the right way to behave. Remember, little eyes are always watching.
Both Aunt Tiffany and Aunt Katie are “cool” aunts, like my Aunt Nora. The definition of cool for a kid is much different than it might be for an adult. Cool aunts do things with their nieces and nephews that the children may not get to do with their parents. Spending time one-on-one with the child shows him/her the aunt feels he/she is special. Going to ball games and getting a mani/pedi go a long way to making a cool aunt. In a family with more than one child, these individual outings can immediately earn one the title of “cool.”
Having little rituals with the child that is unique to just the two of you also adds to the child’s sense of importance. Tally’s Aunt Katie does not just kiss her good-bye. They stick out their tongues at each other. I can see in the future, perhaps at one of Tally’s graduations, her seeing her aunt in the audience, greeting her by sticking out her tongues, a sign of the special relationship the two of them have.
Making time to participate in a child’s activities can bring the aunt or uncle into a strange but entertaining world of imagination and fantasy. Play their video games, watch their movies, read the same book they are reading, etc. But don’t forget that kids also like being brought into the aunt/uncle’s world. If the aunt or uncle loves photography, buy your niece/nephew an inexpensive camera or let them use your phone and take them on a photography day at the beach or a local park. This experience can also lead to working with them on computer programs such as Photoshop that enhance their pictures and can bring out other aspects of their creativity.
So, for all the aunts and uncles who don’t see their relationship with their nieces and nephews as crucial…I beg to differ.
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