Who doesn’t love the sight of little girls all dressed in tutus dancing across a stage? We grandparents who sit in the audiences oohing and ahhing at our precious little girls may not know what it took to get them there, but I do. I have been in charge of taking my 4 year old granddaughter to dance class for the last year.
At first, she loved it. All the aunts and grandparents came to stand at the window and watch her. It was exciting. Then the it dwindled down to being just me at the window. I noticed right away that the only thing she really liked was that she could watch herself in the giant mirror on the wall. My Tally is a free spirit and there is nothing more frustrating for a free spirit that not being able to go with the flow of the music and learn a routine that she would perform with nine other little girls. They did the same thing over and over in preparation for that big night…Tally continued to do her own thing. She was often in tune with the other, but not always.
Then, it began to get even harder and harder to get her to go. First, she did not want to wear any kind of dance clothes. Then it was a down-right revolt every time I mentioned it was time for dance. Finally, her parents decided to “let it go” as Elsa would say. Tally and I rejoiced.
I remember when Tally’s mother was the same age, her father and I signed her up for dance, and she seemed to love it, but when it came time to go out on stage, she refused. It was not, I’ll admit, my finest hour. I urged, I threatened, and I bribed; she stood firm, she was NOT going out on that stage. I did not take it well; let us just say it was not my finest parenting hour and I cringe to this day, wishing I had taken her in my arms and calmed her fears.
How many other children right now are being forced to take lessons and do sports that they really don’t want to do? How many of you have said “My parents forced me to take piano lesson as a kid, and I hated it”?
So the question becomes, should these little ones be scheduled for these activities such as dance, gymnastics, soccer, piano lessons, etc. ‘"The more time kids had in less structured activities, the more self-directed they were and, also, the reverse was true: The more time they spent in structured activities, the less able they were to use executive function," said study author Yuko Munakata, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Colorado, Boulder.”
This is not to say that children should not take dance and kick the soccer ball around, but perhaps parents and grandparents need to listen and watch and see if that activity is right for that child at that time. My daughter who refused to go onstage at 4 spent most of her junior high and high school years performing in one play and musical after the other, enjoying herself the whole time. At 4 the time wasn’t right, but she is proof it might just be a matter of timing. Luckily, Tally has parents who did listen to her and now on Monday afternoon, instead of my having to beg and plead with Tally to go to dance, she can do whatever her imagination dictates. Today she and I are going to have a tea party!
As always, I am not an expert, so please check out these sites for information and both viewpoints:
I would love to hear from other
parents and parents who have a different opinion. Please comment.
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